Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
