Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love having hate sex.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize