you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
