it wasn't lemon gatorade
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
