can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
