Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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