When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
