She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
