That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
