you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
