you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
