All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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