I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
