Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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