i already hear my dad disowning me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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