There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
