she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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