PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We smell like vodka and hangover
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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