When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
