You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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