I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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