just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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