Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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