Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
