what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The air was thick with penises
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need a beard to bite.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
