just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
