Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
