In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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