We're like a lot better than the average bears
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
