I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
