They should really pass out barf bags in church
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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