The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
