I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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