He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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