I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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