I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
