How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i need some magic done to my vagina
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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