Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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