Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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