"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am one with the molecules
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
