Only a mothe r could love this liver
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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