i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want her autograph on my taint
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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