She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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