There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
