You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
