after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
