You're so nebulous sometimes
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
