I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
