I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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