Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize