dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
