i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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