I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
