well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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