Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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