Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
