Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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