Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
