It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
