she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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