i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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