Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
