evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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