My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
