The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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