I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
