she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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