Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
