Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
